Walking Alongside Others

In all of our connected lives, we show our care in lots of ways. It’s built into our daily routines – a quick text to check-in, a small favor to help out a friend, an extra hug, jumping in to help out a colleague.  And then there are times when needs flare up and caring moves from an everyday hum to center stage caring or caregiving. Now in a leading role, it demands more attention – more time, energy and heart. And more pressure on ourselves to ‘do it well’.  

You might wonder what this caregiving conversation is doing here since I often start with the lens of work? Well, you’re all caregiving. In lots of settings. You’re all big-hearted people walking alongside other people. And if you’re not directly serving in this way right now, someone on your team might be wearing this hat – for one or many other people in their lives.  

Since we’re all caring – and flowing in and out of caregiving – conjure up your caregiving role(s). For me, the ‘caring for elderly parent’ role is center stage. I know it is not the starring role for all of you each day, so I trust you to do the mental gymnastics to swap assisted living for day care. Or to read this post through the lens of a manager looking to understand and acknowledge the wholeness of those on your team – and all their roles.  

In the caregiving role, you know firsthand that there’s a lot on the ‘to do’ list. To avoid exhausting you all, I won’t enumerate. (You’re welcome). It’s a LOT of moving parts. It is easy to slip into a pattern of tasks and check-boxes and fast actions….but how do you know if what you are attending to is what is actually most important – or matters the most to the person in your care? I mean most of your actions surely matter for their general well-being…..or do they? It can be useful to challenge ourselves with that question because without that inquiry we might be applying our time and energy in the wrong place to truly meet the needs of the person we care so much about. 

How can we get smarter about attuning ourselves to the human at the center of all this caring action? Since we’re all wonderfully unique, this is no time for assumptions. There’s clarifying to be done – detective work.  

We need to know what matters most to the person in our care, what this chapter of life looks like at its best. 

• What makes for a great day? 
• What does safety and well-being look like?  
• And what trades are worthwhile or negotiable? 
• What is present for dignity to be honored, for a sense of belonging? 

(yup, some of these work better for grown-ups than littles but you get the idea).  

When we begin to answer questions like these, well, then we know what we are aiming for – and how we can best provide care. The spin slows down, we gain clarity and guideposts. We now have at least a semblance of a map. This helps us to walk alongside our person instead of guessing, controlling and contorting (although truth be told we may likely still guess, control, and contort because we’re human).  

Is it easy to gain this info? Hmmmm – not always. With some people, it’s an open forthcoming conversation. Maybe they even lead. Or you can ask direct questions. If so, go for it! With many others, it is a treasure hunt with a subtle smattering of info and clues throughout the day(s). Yours to make sense and meaning. Pay attention – the information is there if you are looking for it. Pose the questions in your head so you can spot answers more readily. 

Is it easy to know what to do with this info – to align our actions with our understanding? Sometimes. Having a map doesn’t ensure smooth terrain but holding it in our hands sure is a stabilizing start. It then takes focus, commitment and persistence to deliver on what you learn. Small steps. Consistent effort. Listening and adjusting as you go.  Keeping your person at the center. Finding the funny. Keeping your heart open. And being nice to yourself when it is all simply too much. I wish I had a little checklist to make this easy – maybe all I can say is slow down, be kind (to you too) and make space to screw up.

Conversations about care – walking alongside our co-workers, family and friends – are always part of my coaching practice. And I’m noticing more of you currently starring in a direct caregiving role. If it sounds like I’m talking about you and you want to dive deeper into how you ‘walk alongside’, let me know. I’d love to twalk (yup that’s talk and walk) with you while you do so. 

Take CARE.