Work-Life Balance isn’t real

It’s not uncommon that clients want to talk about Work-Life Balance. And, of course they do. We hear about it all the time – and it sounds so blissful to have this balance. And it feels so bad that it is so hard to achieve. And I want to take a big red marker and draw a circle around the idea and then put a big red line right through it. And tell everyone “Of course you feel like you can’t find this balance. There’s No way for you to NOT feel this way.” Let me say this again without the double negatives…of course you feel this way because the construct is flawed. The balance – as set up – is unattainable.  

To be clear – you can have balance in your life. Absolutely. But not between these two ideas. And here’s why:

A balance has two-sides which move up and down in relation to one another. There is an interplay – a tension AND a harmony between two distinct ideas. So, given that, how can Work be on one side of the balance and ALL of life be on the other side. Work is a PART of life; it is a PIECE of our story – not outside of our story.  

The quest for Work-Life Balance has us taking ALL the pieces of our lives: relationships, health & wellbeing, fun, discovery, learning – playing with a child, dancing, dog-walking, cooking dinner, going for a run, caring for aging parents, reading the newspaper etc etc and putting them on one side of the balance. With Work then on the other. This setup makes absolutely no sense to me.

Ok, you might think ‘so what if it’s a flawed set-up, the point is that there’s simply too much on our plate, right?’ Sure, you might have too much on your plate. That’s true. What I’m focused on here is what we say to ourselves when this unattainable balance eludes us. We aren’t nice. And from here our energy gets hijacked. We are drained out, frustrated with ourselves and often stuck.  

So, what’s another way of thinking about this then?

A Circle – imagine a big circle and in it are all the pieces of our lives – they mush together, of course. They coexist. Their edges are porous, not rigid. Work is ONE of the pieces; nestled there inside of the whole of our life. And, let’s be fair, lots of the time, Work is a BIG piece of us – possibly a piece that consumes more of our waking hours than anything else. It still fits INSIDE the circle. We are, in fact, the same person who goes to an office, as the person who drives carpool or cleans the garage. Sometimes you noodle on a work question while you garden on a Saturday, and other times your thoughts at work are distracted by an argument with a loved one. We flow through the many roles and pieces of our lives.  

I’m not arguing that this reframe creates peace and harmony – or inner balance. That is actually a different blog post; one about Alignment. That inner balance comes from knowing what matters most to us – our values, priorities – and having them present in all aspects of our lives. That’s a post for next time.

What I am suggesting here is that reframing the balance into a circle is a great first step to get our energy back. It is the starting point that allows us to stop chasing an elusive and imaginary goal and thereby conserves our energy for other generative uses. Let the rebranding begin!