Communication Fine-Tuning

It’s felt like a long time since I’ve written something practical and skill-based. Something that doesn’t try to make sense of a lot of nonsensical stuff. Let’s do it.

Clients right now are really focused on ways to make the most of what’s right in front of them. How to maximize a current project, get along better with a boss or co-worker (or family member!), motivate others, get more done, be more effective. Maybe it is a response to so much that is outside of our control that there’s a collective craving to tune-up some of the actions that we can wholly implement and control.

So, here are some actions I invite you to try. I bet you’ll see the return in every exchange.

Get Ready: this means – prepare. For meetings, for conversations. If it sounds cumbersome to prepare for any/all conversations and interactions, know that the return on that investment is ten-fold. You get out what you put in. You only get where you are wanting to go when you know where you are headed. So….spend time in preparation. What is your best outcome for the discussion? How do you want to show up to that conversation, how do you want to be, or want others to experience you? What is the natural communication style of the others involved, and how can you adapt your own approach to land most effectively and keep the conversation going?

Take Away the Mystery: explain yourself – the secrets to your knee-jerk ‘no’, or your hurried answer, or your procrastination. Help others understand what’s happening behind your Wizard of Oz curtain – by explaining it. For example, imagine you are talking to someone and they scrunch up their face – in a seeming kind of grimace – while you speak. Wouldn’t it be great if they explained why they do that, so you didn’t have to tell yourself a few made-up stories about why? Perhaps they are thinking hard. Or your words remind them of an unrelated conversation etc. So, when you find your own face scrunching up – metaphorically speaking – take a minute to explain why. What’s behind your reaction? Explain your ease – or discomfort. Shine the light on your own idiosyncracies. Give others an assist.

Ask Questions (important side note: REALLY listen to the answer – meaning don’t ask something when you aren’t open to listening to the reply. It’s infuriating to the respondent and breaks down trust.) If you feel the urge to tell someone what to do – pause and ask them a few questions first. What do they think? What’s their imagined next step? It’s inviting them to get you up-to-speed on what’s happening for them (see Take Away the Mystery) – for your benefit. With that information in hard, you won’t have to stumble around guessing at next steps. You’ll have much more information – and more buy-in. And, please use How and What questions, minimize the Why questions. There’s a quiet challenge in Why – appropriate sometimes, overpowering in others. Pay attention. You can put a reminder to ask open-ended how/what questions in your prep checklist (see Get Ready).

Tune-in to your body: LOTS of information is available to you when you key in to your internal sensations. Emotions? Sure. Felt sense? Absolutely. What do I mean? Tensing in your feet. Lightness in your throat. Tingle in tummy. Heaviness in legs. Accelerated heartbeat. Get curious because your body is talking with you. And the more you listen to, ask questions of (see Ask Questions) and gather that knowledge, the more information you have at your disposal. It’s like a personal alert system into areas to pay more attention to, lean into, clarify, discuss – all of that. And you can move further faster. 

Prepare              how you want to be with others

   Share                 about yourself with others

      Be Curious         with others

         Tune-in               to all your available intelligences

All Available. All the Time. And see how they all fit together (note all the cross-references that accumulated during this post!) 

How could you use some of these ideas? What might these tools create for you? How will they help you to achieve your own goals?

Fun to play with. Let me know if you have questions or want to share any experiences.