Reclaiming the Exchange

“How’s it going?” “What’s up?” “How’s work?” “Hey, how was your trip?”  – our every day is filled with these casual exchanges. Sometimes it feels like a reflexive back-and-forth – ‘good’, ‘fine’, ‘same ol, same ol’ – more habit than substance.  That, of course, isn’t always the case. We learn to discern – based on timing, setting, who’s asking – the level of interest and length of reply.   

So, let’s talk about the ones that feel more like reflex than an invitation to deep exchange.  Think about how much of your airtime each day is filled with this semi-automated call-and-response.  Alert:  herein lies a rich opportunity….what if we reclaimed that exchange?  Put it to good use for our own objectives. Sounds a little maniacal.  I mean it be powerful. We can be very intentional about how we respond to this everyday banter – and yield powerful results. 

Speak what you need – it’s a cousin of ‘ask for what you need.’  For starters, you need to be aware and clear of what you need – or what a situation might need.  This takes a pause and certainly some reflection. And that alone is a gift and shift. Are you clear on what you might need as you flow through your day – or in a given moment?  Maybe you need an energetic boost, or some positive reinforcement. Perhaps you feel the need to connect and you’d like to offer more meaningful short responses. Or, maybe you need some accountability.  Speaking your goal out loud dramatically raises the follow-through – why not say it to the friendly Trader Joe’s clerk!?

Here’s some examples to color this in: if you are looking to build momentum on a new idea and avoid procrastination, you could answer these casual questions with a reinforcing idea.  The answer to ‘What’s up?’ becomes ‘I’m trying something new, and I’ve got 2 important things to do today.” Boom – you just raised your accountability by saying it out loud. And you didn’t even take a lot of extra airspace.  I certainly took advantage of every opportunity for support and accountability when starting this business. LOTS of sales people heard a smidge about my adventures! 

If your energy is waning for a project, and you could use an energetic boost, then the answer to ‘how’s it going?” might be an honest “’having a dip in energy” and then challenging yourself to add in something exciting about the project as a way to return your focus to the positive.

At the close of each Shift Your Landscape retreat in France, we talk about how to answer the question everyone knows is waiting for them on the other side of the ocean, “how was that big France trip you talked about for 6 months?”  And I always invite retreat’ers to distill the experience – focusing in on whatever was most important to THEM – the scenery, the space and open schedule, the connections, the power of being so far away. The distilling allows for some savoring.  And then, when asked, they have opportunity to refresh their most important elements from the experience. 2 words….a sentence. With the surprising added benefit for the question-asker because it is FUN (and sometimes contagious) to hear people speak with clarity and intensity about something they care about – even just for a minute.  Way more energizing than a flat retort. 

One last example.  If you are launching a new quest – job hunt, business creation, service project – focus in on what YOU want to share.  Have it at the ready. Ok, this is a big ask. There’s LOTS of work involved in creating that clarity. However, once available it can be easily understood by others – and their response can then be more on point and mutually beneficial. 

Give this a try today.  Make the most of your day of casual exchanges.  And you may find it strengthens you, and your connections and relationships with others along the way.